| | for the first time in a long time i feel extra happy. tomorrow is a big stats exam, but i know i can do it. i have to. i signed up for this and now here i am excited to deal with it. somehow i know i will be alright. psych has always rocked for sure, i wish i hadn't sidetracked from it a while back, BUT, i don't see myself being here today without having encountered my film buddies...and having that time in film school...which can still come in handy, let's not forget that!!! i can still direct films in the future..
also, got back today from a weekend away camping with the boyfriend and his friends. it was very worthwhile especially since i love the outdoors almost as much as the boyfriend himself.
it was a great weekend for the Dave and I for sure - just lots of staring that communicated more than i needed to know. writing this right now seems pointless as i miss him so and it's all just another wait to see him again. i suppose when you date someone you're always waiting to see them again and the best of times seem to fly by so quick you almost can't capture the essence of time before it's all over...and then back to your job, back to school...and lately, i've been thinking.....am i doing this school stuff to end up working so while working, i can make time for the awesome stuff, which will be my life with Daveness?
it seems like all we do is work hard to make and find time for the small brief moments of pure joy...and it's always all over, back to the cycle...and then we age, we celebrate birthdays, holidays, seasons come and go..and somehow this is what life is all about?
i have so much ahead of me, i know i will end up in amazing places meeting some amazing people. i am just on the edge of the life of exciting adventure and unavoidable fun......each year seems to be getting better.....the downfall year for me was 2007....where everything was going like hell, both my mind, as i was overly smoking pot and heavily partying, which lead to cutting my hair off in resentment of so much of what that long black hair represented...(stupid boyfriend in Poland who was the biggest mistake in dating in history of dating) and so the lack of hair made me crazy and i just lost my mind completely and almost flunked an entire semester at school and lost everything that i treasured close to me...mainly a reason for living and happiness...it was all gone.....just dead. like the sound of silence without the hum of silence...just pure..emptiness.
Dave saved me. I don't think I could ever begin to explain how much his presence not only helped but put me back to reality....all together....
Thinking about it now makes me sad since I was never sure I could go back to life that i wanted to have or that i would find happiness in....i really saw the end of things at the end of 2007....
Also, not to mention Laura was there every week in Spring of this year telling me not to give up on film either....trying to get me to go to class..until I realized everything was wrong....everything about my life.....but Dave...and his belief in me that I can do what i want....and be happy.
A year from now I will have long graduated college..and I cannot wait to blog about it..since knowing college is over, will be the first end of my struggles....because it's college that has so many of my memories that aren't exactly positive and worth remembering....but it has been a really diverse experience of college for sure....something i can use for a future novel....or film scripts....
Cheers to the future I cannot wait to live in...and the hard work now is worth it. Every penny.
PEACE LOVE AND HAPPINESS (4ever)
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| | Posted 6/30/2008 1:35 AM - 44 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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